no really

I wouldn't say I'm in love because I dont know... what it feels like. So, i couldnt say so right?

feeling kind of down today

I'm feeling kind of down today

im depressed

in a mess.

I'm feeling kind horrible today

angry at

the world.

I'm feeling kind of sad today

wanting to

see your face.

I'm feeling kind of sleepy today

your laugh

will make me glad.

I'm feeling kind of glad today.

I get to see you

and your smiling face.

no no no no ...

I wont say Im in love...

i met him yesterday...(metaphorically of course)

I met him yesterday
and then I fell in love.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I do now.
I love to hug him
and make him smile...
especially to make him laugh.
I just barely met him
but hes so perfect already...
Hes not like other guys
where you wish they would just SHUT UP.
In fact he is kind of shy...
and its perfectly adorable!!!
I only met him yesterday...
and I think I'm falling in love.

you can say what you want...

you can say what you want about me
i dont care!
theres only one thing that i will be
and that is me!
you can laugh at me you can cuss at me
it wont destroy me
because i have one thing that you dont have...
dignity
no matter what i will stand up against the crowd
i will become someone that i want to become.
you can try and take me down but i wont fall
you can say what you want...
but youll fail at demolishing me every time

so...

so theres this new kid at my school. hes younger than me but hes really mature and really sweet!!!! both me and my best friend would date him if we had the chance...he is EXTREMELY mature for his age i mean really you meet him and your like wow!!!! so yes i like him kind of sort of maybe alot.... its funny cause i only just met him. PLUS finding a boy that is as mature as him at that age is REALLY hard. so yea thats my 101

CHILLAXIN

so im at my bffs hpuse and im chilaxin out maxin realaxin all cool...

BOREDDOM

im like hecka bored!!!!!!!! so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sos so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored!!!! i had to take the math proficiency yesterday which sucks cus i HATE MATH!!!! idk what to do to get rid of this stupid dumb boredom!!!augh!!!!!

BLAH

todays an ok day...im like really really really sleepy and i just want to go home and sleep.... but unfortunatly im at school. blech i hate school. im in the library because my teacher is testing students in our classroom so we were not allowed in there. of course that sent us on this crazy run all over the school to figure out where the heck we were supposed to go... we ended up here! Go figure! so thats what happened....

what missing you did

i missed you once
i miss you still
i always have
i always will.
never realizing that you
are poisening
like a drug
i cant get enough of
setting me on all time high.
all i can think is why?
what did missing you do?
make me Love you?
Feelings i never felt before, spilling out more and more
taking me away driving me insane
carrying someone ive never been,
out here lost and on my own.
drowning in what missing you did...

read and just understand me...

its not the flirting...
i dont want drama... go ahead and flirt
i dont care...
I HANG OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE YOUR LIKE THE SISTER I NEVER HAD!!!!
there now you know...
so i also have to tell you this.
when you have a boyfriend i dont exsist. i guess you could call it being put on the back burner... its him you want to spend all your time with. if he wont do something that i want to do you dont do it. i feel ...left out. For you its easy getting a boyfriend. i have to try harder than you. ive never had a boyfriend in my life! its hard to see you go through so many and that so many have hurt you the way they have... then there you go right back on the flirting train... i just cant understand sometimes. i dont want to lose you i want be a old grandma swinging on my porch step with my best friend at my side laughing and talking about when we were young whippersnappers... i wont a let a boy tear us apart. i dont like seeing you get hurt guy after guy after guy... so i guess its not the flirting its the not taking time to think about it... to see wether or not hes the right one! and the one who wrote you the letter? i think hes perfect for you... when he said date while hes gone he didnt mean go get a boyfriend he meant go out on dates hang out with guys have fun! just in case you guys figure out your not perfect for eachother you both have new directions to go. so you dont feel like youve been waiting all this time to get your heart broken. hes an amazing guy and if i had soeone like him... well thats who i would choose.

I LOVE YOU SIS!

you dont have to forgive me... im a mean horrible person and i dont deserve friends

sorry. sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry. sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.

I AM A MEAN PERSON!!! SOWY i really am...

was i mean to my best friend? yes and i am truly sorry... i wasnt thinking...plus i was having a realy bad day. i mean really bad. i couldnt say it because i didnt want to explain it a thousand times over. I was missing certain ppl alot that day i mean alot... i was really depresed and i was on my last nerve. the truth is i was saying things about everyone.. i shouldnt have... I am really really really sorry to anyone i have hurt... it wasnt right for me to say that. i have no excuse none what so ever... once again sorry. oh and i know that sorry sometimes just doesnt work...but i am truly and sincerly and most terribly sorry... well thanks for reading

i have this rage

im sick of wiating for you
im sick of constantly wondering wether or not your mind is in the right place
i was so hurt
now all i can do is think of the wrongs you did
everyday is so painful
you say youll come and you dont..
i wait forever all alone
standing there byself looking like and idiot to everyone
why do i constantly have to feel this pain?
why do i have to go through this?
why do i have to feel alone when your with him?
its always about him and he wants to do...
its never me
Why cant it be me/
am i not enough?
i only know your deepest darkest secrets... but what is that?
what does that mean?
what ever happened to me being the your go to person?
i guess im not all that important.
just a person to talk to
hes always more important than me ALWAYS

the definition...

The definition of everything is so vague.
a best friend is supposed to be some one who stands by you no mattter what and sticks by all your life..
Why havent I ever truly felt that?
love is supposed to be this connection between two people that is sweet and breath taking
Why do i feel but he doesnt?
life is supposed to be about fulfilling your dreams and becoming who you really are
Why am i constantly letting my dreams be torn to shreds by everyone?
happiness is supposed to feel like nothing can take you down and you have everything you need and more
Why do i constantly feel like somethings missing?
belonging is supposed to feel like you belong somewhere and no can take you from that
Why i dont if eel like i belong...anywhere?
im sick of definitons im sick of it all. Of people telling me who to be and what to be no one can define me because im my own person and no one can define me.

wondering why im in pain
everythings driving me insane
cant get over all this damage
thrown into the rubbage
lost and confused
dont know what to do
the ocean carrying me down
never letting go
doomed to life in solitude
all alone in a world of lies
helping me is there demise
dragging down till my empty shell is left
my heart and soul locked forever in
the deep dark blackness of your heart

toxicating

your toxicating
like a drug
running through my veins
flowing steadily to a melody
only you can make.
One thats TOXICATING...

I HATE THIS!!!

i hate how much love and attention ive given to everyone.. i hate it why do i constantly try to help people? i have problems of my own you know!!! why does no one ask how i am doing its blah blah blah about how horrible your life is... dont get me wrong ill stand by you no matter what! but i never get any recognition for what i do around here. what i do for you ppl! i hate it... why can no one come to me and say hey are you ok hows life? everyone thinks that im such a nice popular happy little person... but i have depressions too... i wish that someone would just recognize that..maybe i wouldnt be writing this, maybe i wouldnt be crying harder than before because i feel all alone in this world... just maybe my heart would unfreeze and i would find that longing ive been craving al my life. i have friends i have my family i have everything... well sort of i dont feel like i belong to any one i feel alone... everything is just so... complicated. when i see those cute couples all over school i think of how much i want it. but its never the right guy. im never a girlfriend im always a best friend... what is so unlikable about me? i just wish i could be what everyone wanted... but im too busy being me... maybe i should change, maybe i should bend and twist the way everyone wants me too. then maybe everyone would except me... maybe i would get the same love and attention everyone gives eachother. evryone thought they had me figured out..well heres a new side so realize it and dont judge me just think about for once in your life thats theres someone out there who is hurt and lost and that they need just as much love and attention as everyone deserves. dont just assume they get it! pay attention.

my day... a poem

My day was bright and shiny
my day was going great.
Then i saw you,
my heart skipped a beat then stopped.
Then shattered a thousand times.
I couldn't believe howone person
could ruin my life forever...
I couldnt believe
the pain you brought on me.
So now I have to avoid you..
Which, i would rather not do.
My heart stil craves your love, my ears crave to hear your voice,
but my heart is hurt leaving me confused.
My day was bright and shiny until i fell
in love with you
written for egg by me

one thing

one thing i love about my self ...okay wells theres lots about me i love... anyways one that im so random and i keep ppl thinking... hey its the truth.the other is my self control. if i didnt have any i would have gotten into deep trouble today.. a teacher pissed me off thats it. since i have respect for my elders i didnt say anything maybe to other techies in the class but not to the teacher. you see things werent going so well... she thought she had everything worked out perfectly in her mind and she didnt... things ended up mashed together, ppl stuck behind scenery for plays, and lots of angry teenagers being forced to listen to the teacher who didnt realize what was happening... not a good mix if you ask me, but what ever im calm now and i dont feel like ripping a random persons head off.. its all gravy on the mashed potatoes of life.. peace out homies and keep looking out for randomness

update

ok so im a little late on writing i havent written since friday! well on saturday i went to school to work tech for the play... yep it was pretty awesome.. including the gray paint incident...lol to all those who know what im talking about. on sunday i went to church as usual thats about it. right now im in school so yea... peace out

you...

you make me laugh

you make me cry

you make me love you more

you make happy

your everything to me

i cant live without you

you are my sunshine

my only shed of light

I LOVE YOU

i wish i could say it

to your face...

tech day # 1

today is the first day that im working tech after school. its somewhat more relaxing than being an actor!!! LOL im sitting around doing nothing... but i soon will be. it will be fun. yup...tata for now...

so i like him right???

so i like this guy... but im too scared to tell him because im a chicken... Maybe its just that if he doesnt like me back i dont want the friendship to go away...i would miss him too much. Hes like one of the greatest ppl ive ever known and i dont want to lose him... if i told him and he said he didnt like me back i would be ok.. as long as were still friends. i would get over likeing him that way.. and thats the truth.. cause i bounce back fast!!! LOL so anyways thats my 101 on the drama of my life

LOVE IS LIKE A...

love is like a drug running through your viens

driving you insane

causing you pain.

Love is like a drug you cant enough,

looking for a fix

in any sort of mix.

Love is like a drug you know where to look

but its coursing through your veins

putting you deep deep pain...

love is like a drug

ITS OK

Its ok to cry its okay to feel sad

we all have these feelings

in the long run the ones who have hurt you

the ones who have made you cry

the ones who have betrayed your trust...

they wont matter the one that matter are the ones

who stood by and wiped away your tears. the ones

took away the pain and sorrow and filled your heart with new trust.

Those will be the ones who will matter in the end

the ones that will last in your memory like stars in the sky...

BLaH

today is all about the BLAH!!! i dont really have much to say... today was somewhat of a dramatic day. With friends and all. But i pulled through and everything will be ok...I HOPE!!! LOL so shout to all that know me luv ya!! and see you when ever

ill write it down on paper
ill scribble it out in words
ill scream it to the heavens
and no one will hear a word...

pen and paper

i take the pen to paper
and the words begin to flow
all the thoughts inside my head
the paper is aglow
all my deepest darkest thoughts
written for everyone to see
all my deepest darkest thoughts
finally let me go...

the darkness

The darkness is enclosing me
stealing my last breath
drowning me in evil thoughts
the darkness is encompasing me
eating me alive
swallowing me whole
the darkness is surrounding me
but then i see a light...
the light is accepting me
warming all my thoughts
the light is consuming me
and there you are
leading me into your love

butterfly kisses

butterfly kisses is a song by many artists the song talks about his littel girl growing up. When I first heard this song i thought my dad was the one singing it. I LOVE THIS SONG!!! Plus i just recently found out that my dad first heard this song he cried because he used to give me butterfly kisses when i was little... I love my daddy so much and this is the song i want to be playing when i dance with him at my wedding. You should look it up ILOVE IT!!!

The World Says...

The world says no
but i say yes
the world says stay
but i say no way
the world says stop
but i say go
i will never let the world bring ME down
I will never let the world change me
i will never let the world say
when i can say no

Im i love with him...

In tough times

I'll be here

When tears come

I'll be here

When anger strikes

I'll be here

When you finally realize

I LOVE YOU

I'll be here...

random blog from a friends computer!!!!

Theres a freak in the night to come and grab you.... oops sorry thats been stuck in my head... so im at my friends house and were chilaxin!!! We can get all kinds of crazy!!! (not going into detail) but her blog is simple love poems so go on and check it out...well i believe thats it for now so peace out from the HOTfudgeSUNDAE!

This is ME

Hey so this is my first blog!!! WHATS UP YO!? anyways so now I will post poems and random thoughts so be watching out for the update cause your gonna wanna be in touch when the homie gets FAMOUS you hear? so folloow this blog!