Hiding Behind My Faces

I have many faces...
I never know which one Ill be using....
Sometimes its angry and it consumes every part of me...
till theres nothing left...
Then theres hate which eats up my entire body...
that hides the scared little girl inside...
And spite which tears me up...
into tiny little pieces...
and theres anxiety which...
makes me feel the world is against me...It rages
like a beast...
Then theres sorrow...
which makes me regret all the things ive ever done to ruin my own
and others lives....
And then theres hope...and it starts in heart and slowly
as if running through my viens like a drug...
it passes over my entire body
my heart pumping more and more until I can feel it
in my fingers and my toes and my eyes...and I can see the world in a whole new light...
but then my many faces drag me down....the feeling dissapears...
My toes and legs...dissapear
my fingers and hands and arms are no longer there
my eyes cant see anymore
my nose cant smell and
theres no taste...
Till all thats left is my heart...
and the shattered pieces of me
it hides behind...

Update with Details

So you remeber a while ago when I talked about my first kiss?? Well heres how it happened...I met this guy...gabe at a sweet sixteen. At first he was amazing, funny, sweet, cute, and respectful...so one night as he walked me to my car we barely talked and then he kissed me...however...he wanted something more than that from me...and two weeks after that he practically gave up on me and broke my heart. On another note I'm doing just fine without him...were friends though. My family is good...life is good a little stressful but full of joy...I'm doing fine without a best friend. Lifes moving on I've got great grades and the musical is SOOOO much fun!!! the whole "happy in love" thing is over...though its wierd because...well he made me promise i would never leave him...and he left me...so happy doesnt describe it...also i got braces... theyll be on for two years...pain pain pain thats all I can say...times moved on and the people that cared enough to stay in my life are still in it. the ones that cared enough to actually tell what was up instead of hearing it from someone else...because THAT HURT!!! and i cried...i honestly did...ive changed numbers sooo idk what to tell you all because Im not posting it on a public website...im moving on from the people that have hurt me and moving on to the ones that matter...LOVE YA and thats the update

Canvas and Paint

I like to think of myself as a canvas and the things around me as paint. When you paint on a canvas you cant get rid of it. All you can do is simple paint over it and start all over. The paint in my life is what makes who I am. That even though you cant see whats there... it still is. All kinds of layers, Love, friendship, hate, torture, happiness, and so many more things that make me...me. You cant see the scars and mistakes, and you cant see the ugly stuff. However its there. I've learned from it and corrected it. Im like a painting...I cant erase my mistakes, but I can learn from them, and thats the purpose right? We all try to find our most perfect selves just as an artist paints his masterpeice. We think of beautiful art that we love and enjoy today. Those artists however did not just sit down and make it happen. Im sure they messed up and painted over thier mistakes. They created what we see today through hard work and most importantly mistakes. Think of yourself as a painting. You cant get rid of your mistakes...but you can learn from them and then truly become the most beautiful piece of art you wish your heart to be.

HMMMMM <3

So yes its finally happened my first kiss...and i thought it was never going to happen ever...sigh...it was sooo perfect...amazing...wow...sigh...well ta ta for now

And finally my dreams are coming true...

thats pretty much all the description ill give other than he is amazing!! meaning my knight in shining armor....:D

It's funny

I believe that a true friendship is a true friendship when...
1. you get mad at eachother for stupid pranks and then wake up the next morning and act as if
nothing ever happened.
2. you know deep down that you truly love them like family
3. you look at them and you feel like you have known them forever
4. you could never hate them in any way
5. the only time they make you cry is when your laughing really hard
6. you miss them even though they were there just a few seconds ago
7. you never never never want to say goodby to them
8. you want to know them forever
9. you talk to them EVERYDAY!!!
10. when they feel the same way about you as you do them

what i said yesterday....

This is an official take back of what i said yesterday...
everything is fine and dandy...
I'm truly happy today!!!
It's amazing!!! I woke up and smiled and was just happy!
i thought im going to be really happy today!!!
It's a good day...and it was right from the start when i opened my eyes!!
AMAZING!!!!
Well thats about it!!!
AMAZING!!! <3