One Day...

Someday someone will walk into my life that will make me realize why nothing else worked out...

I cant wait for that day.
I cant wait for the day that he comes.
I'm terrified it wont.
I think of the "relationships" I've had.
I just dont know what's going on.
One second theyre totally into me and I'm happy.
The next they ignore me and I mean nothing to them.
My mother supposes that once I meet this guy Steven I'll be "in love"
I dont know why she thinks that.
She says he's six years older than me and a return missionary.
It wont hurt to meet him, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Gah for someone like me to believe in love is almost impossible.
It doesnt matter what you say it wont help me.
There has to be something extremely wrong with me for no one to fall for me.
I try and try to just be myself.
I cant even take it.
It seems like all guys want is a beautiful girl with an amazing personality.
I dont think I'm either.
Someday my prince will come?
Maybe...but then again maybe not...


I'm so lost...

Its seems Alright

I look into your eyes
i'm seeing all the lieS
and the pains too much
but i cant get enough

and im dying inside
though iTs seems i'm alright
you cant stay tonight
because i'll cry the lIes away

You told me you were coming
You said youd be right there
You never came
you never told me you didnt Love me

and i'm dying inside
though its seems i'm aLright
you cant stay tonight
cause i'Ll cry the lies away

You dont knOw what youve done
Ive fallen for a monster
I cant oVer that smile, those eyes, your lies

And Im dying insidE
though it seems I'm alright
you cant staY tOnight
I'll cry the lies away
then it will be okay
dont you Understand?
start over...again

Its funny how your dead when people start listening...

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink my in the river at dawn.
Send me away with the words of a love song

This song is powerful...And I absoulutely love it. My favorite lines are:
Its funny how your dead when people start listing and
Penny for your thought no mine are worth a dollar...

All these suicides these days are mostly because no one would listen.
No one wanted to care because the sad person was a damper to their "perfect lives." Deep down these people never wanted to die. They didnt want death. They wanted someone to listen, someone to care about them. They wanted someone to look at them and say "are you okay?" DO you wanna TALK ABOUT IT?" Anything would have saved them. "you look nice today" wow great shoes" If we would take the time to notice them maybe it wouldnt happen. So many people say " I should have known" I should have seen it" I should have asked" HOw did I not know?" Now that thier gone it seems like they really were depressed" I should have listened"

WHen their gone its too late to listen. You cant listen anymore. Listen NOW care NOW. Your blessed with what you have. DOnt waste it on yourself. Help others give to others. Our thoughts should be worth so much more to people. They should be priceless. Our thoughts are what drive us to madness. Its the people who care that drive those thoughts down to sanity. A random stranger in the grocery store could be thinking " look at all these people...they have no idea what I'm feeling...they have no idea I'm going to die tonight...they dont care...no one cares...maybe if i look sad someone will say something...maybe I wont die...maybe someone will say something...maybe theyll save me...maybe...maybe...maybe not" You could save them...smile to EVERYONE...try giving compliments...try to find something in them. THey wont say anything until someone stands up to them and says "says whats wrong? and I wont take "nothing" for an answer" because all they really want is to have someone look them in the eye see the hurt and care enough to try and make it better.

Patching things up

Dear best friend:] (the two pina colada kind not the well idk what i was gonna say kind0_o)
I've been sitting here thinking really hard. I realized something. I've been really aweful to you for no real reason. I've said things I cant take back but that I can be sorry for. And I know that sorry is never really good enough. I do realize that I've hurt you. I had no reason to and I'm sorry that you became a victim of the words I've spoken...well typed actually. I regret and take back everything I've said and done. I'm sure that this isnt enough to make you my friend again but I'm going to try. I seriously dont know what clicked inside my head to say those things or treat you the way I did. Sometimes I wonder why I say the things I say. Sometimes I think that maybe I just say those things to keep the pain out. I realize that pushed the only person away that I could honestly trust and confide in. I pushed you away and thats not fair. I hurt you. I'm sorry like honestly sorry. Your like the best friend I've ever had and I dont know why I pushed you away. I regret it big time. I'm reading through our old notebook. the front is covered with all kinds of decorations. Remember that one song that we were like stuck on? That band called C-note? yea theyre on the front cover!! The song next to thier name is "lo siento" I'm sorry. Remember Superman? All those code names for those guys...and now finally youve found your PRINCE CHARMING!!! I really do wish you the best of luck!! Do remember our bio teacher? She was like the best teacher EVER!!! Geez I feel guilty for what I said sam. I feel like I'v let you down. If you dotn forgive me it's okay...I just wanted to let you know that I'm through with hurting you. I'm through with it I just want us to be friends again. I know this isnt enough to get our friendship back. But my mission here is to apologize and I hope that you know that I'm really sorry for everything. I hope that you can forgive me and yea
Hot Fudge Sundae
Ps remember kimballs "half birthday"? or was is "un birthday"?

What I'm About To Say

I've been thinking a lot lately
How much people have impacted me and all
Everyone I've known has a made a diffrence
From my best friend to my worst enemy
To the random stranger that called me pretty
Every single person has made me who I am
And I couldnt be more thankful
For the crazy girl in high school that taught me to be confident in myself
For the boy who thought I was beautiful enough to kiss for the first time
For my family
and for my greatest enemy
Who taught me how to stand up for myself
no matter how much trouble it got me into...
haha wow lifes been hitten me so hard lately...
I'm growing up becoming an adult...
Everythings changing...
Okay well one things not
and thats my love life
I'm still single as ever...
Today my mom and I dropped off a bunch of invites for this party were having
It was normal and all...
Until I dropped one off at his house.
I expected his mother to come to the door
(she was who we invited because after all I dont think boys are interested in purses)
Anyways...he opened that door and I went weak at the knees...
I guess I've liked him for 8 years now...
Wow thats a long time.
Heres the history...I moved to the street where I currently live at the young age of ten years old.
He lived right behind me...
I was teased in 5th grade...for whatever reason the girls in my class decided they didnt like me...and continued to torture me
For some reason we always talked...
Almost every night just me and him
He would listen...he saw past my pain and thought of me as a friend...
Well I thought of him as more...at 10 years old
I had a crush on a boy who didnt feel the same
but was there never the less
ALWAYS
through out the years we shared slow dances and jokes
me being angry with him for stupid reasons
and falling in and out of love with him..
Turns out I thought I was over him
but when he answered that door...
my stomach filled with butterflies
the only problem about me seeing a future with him?
I'm almost sure that he doesnt feel the same way...
But you know what?
He was the first boy that made feel like life was worth living...the first person I knew cared besides my family....because hes the only one that still keeps up the effort to talk to me..
What I just said broke my heart in a million ways...
But I would never ever wish my life be any different

My Big Mouth

Sometimes I say things I dont mean
Especially on here.
In most cases I'm expressing what my friends have
been going through.
Suffice to say that it may entangle with things
going on in my life...
but I never really mean it
It's just me writing to get my emotions out
I come back later and think
WHAT was I SAYING??
Then I pray and hope and plead it doesnt hurt
peoples feelings.
I'm a writer and an actress.
I can stir up an emotion I wasnt even feeling seconds ago.
SO you cant take EVERYTHING I post on here seriously.
I mean come on!!!
Yes I hurt you...but we've both done our fair share
and theres no reason you need to feel bad or anything
I'm greatful for what you gave me.
I'm greatful for what friendship we did have.
Somewhere inside of me longs for us to be as
good as friends as we used to be...
Part of me longs to take everything back...
but I know I've changed...that weve both changed
Niether one of us needs to feel bad for what has happend
Because stuff happens.
Live on
BE HAPPY
and dont you dare let ANYONE including me get you down...
because I'm not worth it.

You Just Cant

I'm sorry but you just cant...
You cant expect to just walk back into my life..
It doesnt work that way.
You cant lie and a decieve me just to say
"OH IM SORRY"
and expect me to go
"OH ITS OKAY YOU ONLY BROKE MY HEART AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WASNT IMPORTANT TO YOU"
A broken heart doesnt mend with an "IM SORRY"
I doesnt sit that way...
So stop saying sorry.
I told you what would happen...but you said no it wont I promise...
Well it happened didnt it?
Well CONGRATS you broke my heart...

Only Hope

I love this song...I am going to learn it and sing it for the public. Its so true...I give all of my heart to every guy I've ever liked...and I pray to be his...and only his. Yet I know that it wont happen...because it never has. I'd love to be loved and I'd love to be cherished...but yet I feel somehow it wont happen. Dont think because you comment on this and say "oh youll find love" thatll Ill agree with you and say "yea I know" because as far as love goes I'm a skeptic...My hearts been broken many times...and I no longer feel it anymore. SO heres to you all who broke my heart....maybe even without realizing it... so here you go E.G, G.S, C.S, J., T.H, S.H...and so many more that I cant even think of who they are...thank you...because Im stronger and theres only hope left for me down this long lonely road...but I'll let you know I love you...more than youll ever know...

I cant tell you now...

If I felt it was right to tell you right now I would...but I cant...because I'm happy your happy...and Im not screwing that up for you...:/ See the thing is I liked you...it felt..right...but you obviously didnt feel the same...its sad to think that we could have been cute together...For the longest time I blamed myself...Whats wrong with me? Why cant he love me?? You have no idea. January 9th changed my life forever.I met you and that cake fight sealed the deal...I liked you A LOT...and the fact that you left your GF...who was at that sweet 16...wow...I was extatic. Shortly later you said you liked me...and things went smoothly...You gave me my first kiss...you will forever be in my heart...I'll be telling my grandchildren about you...Your written down in my history books for life...Its difficult ya know?? To have liked someone so much and then it ends two weeks later without any real reason to...It hurt...I was hurt...I felt I couldnt breathe...BUT I got over it...and we hadnt talked since...I texted you as a joke...haha..ya know...I never thought we would end up talking about this kind of thing...I never thought you actually talk to me for more that 3 texts...I was wrong because I opened my big mouth and you hate being teased...I was suprised. Now your happy...you have a girlfriend and your happy...the fact that I cant move on from the guy who gave me my first kiss is MY problem...You...you be happy and love her to death...dont worry about me I'll find him...My dork in tin foil will come for me...yes I said dork in tin foil...because superheros and knights are overated...So again I say in my complicated girlish ways...which I wish I wasnt so girlishly complicated...am saying be happy...live life...and dont let a silly girl like me ruin that for youXD

Well good news!!

I LOVE MY NEW LAYOUT!!! and I finally got a myspace...my parents dont care that I have one cus im 18 now...so YAY FOR ME GETTING A MYSPACE!!!

The Line of Fire.

I just left the line of fire
my heart is breaking
It's loosing desire
to love ever again...
I'm breaking down losing myself
freaking out.
I cant breathe, think, or see.
I'm falling faster now I'm lost
I cant see Im breaking down
Can anybody save me?
I've been hit
I'm losing sight...
My heart is slowing
I think I'm going...
losing the memories
I'm slipping farther and farther
losing myself in this war
Only I cant win
because love has conquered again
I've lost my will to fight
and now the line of fire
has shot me love dead...

Well here it is...

I'm afriad of a A LOT of things.
The thing I'm most afraid of is telling you...
I LOVE YOU...
Youre an AMAZING guy and
one of my best friends.
You make me feel beautiful...
Which is hard to do...
Even if you dont realize it.
I'm too scared to say so...
youre leaving so soon.
I dont think I can handle that pain.
Sure my hearts been broken plenty of times
but this pain is different.
I watched you from afar.
Youre a beautiful person
You have a heart of GOLD
Your lifes been messed up but yet...
YOURE SOO HAPPY!!!
You dont let much get you down.
We dont talk much...
But I love you for who you are
I watch from a distance
because you like them.
I cry inside because I'll never know
if I was beautiful enough for you.
You have no idea...
because...
I'm just too SCARED to tell you.
It's not like you wont move...
It's not like youll say I love you too...
Because all you see is friendship...
and honestly thats better than nothing...
I love you

What more can I say?

Eventually

The pain will ease...
I KNOW it..
Eventually
The tears will stop...
I can FEEL it...
Eventually
The cries will die out...
I can SENSE it
Eventually
And yet eventually is never
soon enough.
So many girls think that
Theyre not good enough
Theyre not beautiful enough
Theyre not smart enough
I say to that is that everyone
needs to feel it
Eventually.
Sometimes that eventually just
doesnt come fast enough
Everyday a girl cries
Everyday a girl hurts
Everyday she falls farther and farther
out of existence.
For me my eventually has come
but hes moving to texas.
Every girl needs their eventually
Every girl needs to be told
YOURE BEAUTIFUL
but unfortunatly its not enough from friends
we need the guys opinion
the guys side
We need to hear it from them to us
a little piece of hope
So bring a girl her eventually today guys
and tell her shes beautiful
who knows?
She may become the most beautiful person
All because YOU had the power..
To stand against the odds and tell her
YOURE BEAUTIFUL
SO make her eventually happen today
STOP tears
STOP the pain
STOP the cries
Because youre the only one that can
Eventually

Secrets

We all have a secret...Mine is that I think I'll never be loved...here I am 18 years old and Iv'e never had a boyfriend. I've been kissed...but I was used. Used as a rebound chick...and it hurt...only further convincing me that I'll never be loved...I'll never marry, and I'll never have the two beautiful boys I've dreamed about. You can tell me that it's not true...you can try and convince me that I'm wrong and that I'll meet Mr.Right...but nothing...NOTHING will change my mind. Every time I decide that it might happen for me I just get my heart torn right out of my chest. It hurts...I've never experienced love...not true love...I'm not talking about family and friend love. I'm talking about the love that binds two people together. Where both people feel so in tune in mind, body and spirit. I've seen and I admit I've envied it. I just want it so bad...to hold someones hands, to kiss them, to hold them, to care for them and love them with all your heart. It seems that all of my best friends have been there, experienced that. Yet they dont see my pain. I hide it of course, I dont want them to worry. I think my biggest fault is my fear of embracing who I am...I'm scared I'm not beautiful enough or funny enough. I fear I'm just not right for anyone. Yet when I like someone...I'm just to scared to admit it...Please superman batman ANYONE just be my super hero. Be knight in shining armor...because I'm a damsel in distress...and I sit here pleading...thinking...no... knowing he'll never come...because I'm so far from reality they cant hear my cries...

Wow...

Sometimes theyll suprise you
and youll be awed...
Sometimes theyll break you
and youll hurt...
Somtimes they wont care
and youll wonder why?
Why did you put so much effort
into it?
Why?
Why did you bend over backwards
just to please them?
Why?
Why did you bust your heart
up just to see them let you
down once again?
Why?
Why do they all of a sudden
come back begging when theyve
lost you?
All you have left to say is
wow...
How could I let you torment me
for so long...
How could I blindly follow you?
All I can say is wow...
and the crack in my chest
tears bigger
big enough to rip my heart out
All I can say is wow...
All these shattered promises
and misguided thoughts
All I can say is wow...
Yet I set myself up for it
once more...
One more time for heart ache
and maybe the pain will be through
because if this doesnt work out
I'll give up
and I'll never love again
not like I loved you...
because all I can say is wow...

well well well

So this is what it comes to. When I dont want to talk to someone I turn to the world wide web of strangers. Guess this happens. Its not that I dont have anyone to talk to...I just dont know which one...Which one will tell me exactly what this heart ache is...I have it for no reason, at least none that I can think of. The day draws nearer...June 23rd...when he leaves, and so does my heart. I cant help but think he will forget about me and I'll be all alone again. Although we were never really together I feel my heart slowly tearing and preparing a piece of itself to send with him to that state which now I hate to say the name of aloud. I love to write and thats why I'm here. To share my endless rants about life and my many problems. The internet is the only sure way that I can be heard. Random visitors at random moments. All with a different opinion. Could it be the very person I'm talking about? Could it be their family? Friends? Or just a total stranger who can relate to my misery...or not? Is it someone who thinks I'm just a whiny person? Who knows these days. But for now I share my misery in complete silence. On this blog I share secrets...because you dont know me. SO how can you hurt me with them? Im sure that some may know me...but I wont share the secrets that can ruin me...Just the ones I'm too scared to say aloud. How is it that I can tell the world this...but I cant face it head on? Why is it so much easier to share with strangers...Why? Because with your friends and family they might give you the response your dying not to hear. The world wide web doesnt answer, it doesnt talk back, it just listens. For a brief moment you can let go your feelings and cry your eyes out with out someone telling you to suck it up. As I write this I think about him, about june 23rd, and how empty my heart is already. well well well...see what I've gotten myself into this time?

Dreams, cute boys, and TEXAS

I fell in love...recently...his name isnt important...well it is...buts its more than his name I love. IDK where its gone too. WHY is he doing this to me? leading me on screwing with my emotions...I mean Im sure he didnt or doesnt mean to...but I thought I really liked him...hmmm. I had this dream...where we kissed...and I woke up and I had to take long deep breaths just to slow my heart down...It took like 10 minutes...I couldnt function...I just get dizzy thinking about it...and it was JUST A DREAM!!! Lifes confusing when your a girl in search of true love... ALSO...my best friend...well guy best friend...is moving to TEXAS this summer...I've already cried...and am going to cry the day he leaves...he has an amazing personality and the sweetest heart. He got amazing eyes and hes a body builder....so hes strong:] Litte does he know I'm in love with him...and he has no clue...I'm scared to tell him...I dont want to lose him...I keep thinking "My happily ever after is moving to TEXAS" WHY? because his dad (who raised him when his mom left them) is getting out of jail...and he finally gets to see him again...his hero his everything. I LOVE HIM...and I'm too scared to tell him...then my best friend crystal pipes up and says "you dont need a happily ever after, you need a happily ever forever..." that made my day...but I'm still too scared to tell him I love him...

Hes Everything to Me...

Recently I got my first kiss and recently I got my heart broken...but as time has gone on I've forgotten about him...my heart is no longer broken...in fact I've met someone amazing and cute...someone who makes me dizzy with just his smile hes respectful and sweet...hes younger...idk what it is about me and younger guys but I love them...theyre so much better than the older guys...anyways...we met during the play...and we hit it off and now I like him I really like him...hes amazing...we even went to prom together...and well I had sooo much fun I never wanted the night to end...and he does like me...I know haha his best friend told me so...and his best friend is my new best friend...and our best friend is moving to Texas at the end of June...I could cry...but I'll write him like crazy and call him and make sure he remembers me...haha but back to this guy...hes just perfect...and the GREATEST part is he want to go into the veterinary field just like me...and I LOVE IT!!! hmmmm

formspring.me

Ask me anything and ill tell the truth :] http://formspring.me/RaeLynnHatch201

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/RaeLynnHatch201

Sometimes...

Sometimes life will come at you fast...
It will rip your heart out in new ways and tear you up...
Sometimes it may take the time to patch you up
before moving on the next peice of pain...
Life has a silly way of bringing people into and out of it...
Some of them are our enemies and some are best friends...
Some of those people we will carry with us throughout the rest of our lives
even if they dont stay in them.
Because sometimes its those people who made you who you are...
and though you miss them, they did what they had to do...
they did their part and made you...you...
so even if you dont talk as often and your busy lives carry you apart...
theres no way you can deny what they did for you...
They are the reason you are who you are...
you cant trade them for them world...
so look back on them and thank god they were there while they could be
because even if you dont talk or your not the best of friends anymore
your still two pina coladas dancing down the street having the time
of your lives...your still the crazy people who danced in the rain...
and your still the people who changed eachothers lives for the better...
Sometimes down the road a person will ask
how did you ever get this way?
And sometimes youll back and say
it was this crazy person who i knew in high school...
at least i know ill say that...
Sometimes when your lying in your bed at night thinking...
youll look back and think...
that person made such an impact on my life and im glad i had them
At least ill think that...
because sometimes even though time seperates us...
and our busy lives keep us apart...
we will never forget our best friends....
Sometimes we never really know who we are
until we have a best friend like you who made us that way...
the person who brought out what was waiting inside to shine...
so thank you :D

Hiding Behind My Faces

I have many faces...
I never know which one Ill be using....
Sometimes its angry and it consumes every part of me...
till theres nothing left...
Then theres hate which eats up my entire body...
that hides the scared little girl inside...
And spite which tears me up...
into tiny little pieces...
and theres anxiety which...
makes me feel the world is against me...It rages
like a beast...
Then theres sorrow...
which makes me regret all the things ive ever done to ruin my own
and others lives....
And then theres hope...and it starts in heart and slowly
as if running through my viens like a drug...
it passes over my entire body
my heart pumping more and more until I can feel it
in my fingers and my toes and my eyes...and I can see the world in a whole new light...
but then my many faces drag me down....the feeling dissapears...
My toes and legs...dissapear
my fingers and hands and arms are no longer there
my eyes cant see anymore
my nose cant smell and
theres no taste...
Till all thats left is my heart...
and the shattered pieces of me
it hides behind...

Update with Details

So you remeber a while ago when I talked about my first kiss?? Well heres how it happened...I met this guy...gabe at a sweet sixteen. At first he was amazing, funny, sweet, cute, and respectful...so one night as he walked me to my car we barely talked and then he kissed me...however...he wanted something more than that from me...and two weeks after that he practically gave up on me and broke my heart. On another note I'm doing just fine without him...were friends though. My family is good...life is good a little stressful but full of joy...I'm doing fine without a best friend. Lifes moving on I've got great grades and the musical is SOOOO much fun!!! the whole "happy in love" thing is over...though its wierd because...well he made me promise i would never leave him...and he left me...so happy doesnt describe it...also i got braces... theyll be on for two years...pain pain pain thats all I can say...times moved on and the people that cared enough to stay in my life are still in it. the ones that cared enough to actually tell what was up instead of hearing it from someone else...because THAT HURT!!! and i cried...i honestly did...ive changed numbers sooo idk what to tell you all because Im not posting it on a public website...im moving on from the people that have hurt me and moving on to the ones that matter...LOVE YA and thats the update

Canvas and Paint

I like to think of myself as a canvas and the things around me as paint. When you paint on a canvas you cant get rid of it. All you can do is simple paint over it and start all over. The paint in my life is what makes who I am. That even though you cant see whats there... it still is. All kinds of layers, Love, friendship, hate, torture, happiness, and so many more things that make me...me. You cant see the scars and mistakes, and you cant see the ugly stuff. However its there. I've learned from it and corrected it. Im like a painting...I cant erase my mistakes, but I can learn from them, and thats the purpose right? We all try to find our most perfect selves just as an artist paints his masterpeice. We think of beautiful art that we love and enjoy today. Those artists however did not just sit down and make it happen. Im sure they messed up and painted over thier mistakes. They created what we see today through hard work and most importantly mistakes. Think of yourself as a painting. You cant get rid of your mistakes...but you can learn from them and then truly become the most beautiful piece of art you wish your heart to be.

HMMMMM <3

So yes its finally happened my first kiss...and i thought it was never going to happen ever...sigh...it was sooo perfect...amazing...wow...sigh...well ta ta for now

And finally my dreams are coming true...

thats pretty much all the description ill give other than he is amazing!! meaning my knight in shining armor....:D