Patching things up

Dear best friend:] (the two pina colada kind not the well idk what i was gonna say kind0_o)
I've been sitting here thinking really hard. I realized something. I've been really aweful to you for no real reason. I've said things I cant take back but that I can be sorry for. And I know that sorry is never really good enough. I do realize that I've hurt you. I had no reason to and I'm sorry that you became a victim of the words I've spoken...well typed actually. I regret and take back everything I've said and done. I'm sure that this isnt enough to make you my friend again but I'm going to try. I seriously dont know what clicked inside my head to say those things or treat you the way I did. Sometimes I wonder why I say the things I say. Sometimes I think that maybe I just say those things to keep the pain out. I realize that pushed the only person away that I could honestly trust and confide in. I pushed you away and thats not fair. I hurt you. I'm sorry like honestly sorry. Your like the best friend I've ever had and I dont know why I pushed you away. I regret it big time. I'm reading through our old notebook. the front is covered with all kinds of decorations. Remember that one song that we were like stuck on? That band called C-note? yea theyre on the front cover!! The song next to thier name is "lo siento" I'm sorry. Remember Superman? All those code names for those guys...and now finally youve found your PRINCE CHARMING!!! I really do wish you the best of luck!! Do remember our bio teacher? She was like the best teacher EVER!!! Geez I feel guilty for what I said sam. I feel like I'v let you down. If you dotn forgive me it's okay...I just wanted to let you know that I'm through with hurting you. I'm through with it I just want us to be friends again. I know this isnt enough to get our friendship back. But my mission here is to apologize and I hope that you know that I'm really sorry for everything. I hope that you can forgive me and yea
Hot Fudge Sundae
Ps remember kimballs "half birthday"? or was is "un birthday"?

What I'm About To Say

I've been thinking a lot lately
How much people have impacted me and all
Everyone I've known has a made a diffrence
From my best friend to my worst enemy
To the random stranger that called me pretty
Every single person has made me who I am
And I couldnt be more thankful
For the crazy girl in high school that taught me to be confident in myself
For the boy who thought I was beautiful enough to kiss for the first time
For my family
and for my greatest enemy
Who taught me how to stand up for myself
no matter how much trouble it got me into...
haha wow lifes been hitten me so hard lately...
I'm growing up becoming an adult...
Everythings changing...
Okay well one things not
and thats my love life
I'm still single as ever...
Today my mom and I dropped off a bunch of invites for this party were having
It was normal and all...
Until I dropped one off at his house.
I expected his mother to come to the door
(she was who we invited because after all I dont think boys are interested in purses)
Anyways...he opened that door and I went weak at the knees...
I guess I've liked him for 8 years now...
Wow thats a long time.
Heres the history...I moved to the street where I currently live at the young age of ten years old.
He lived right behind me...
I was teased in 5th grade...for whatever reason the girls in my class decided they didnt like me...and continued to torture me
For some reason we always talked...
Almost every night just me and him
He would listen...he saw past my pain and thought of me as a friend...
Well I thought of him as more...at 10 years old
I had a crush on a boy who didnt feel the same
but was there never the less
ALWAYS
through out the years we shared slow dances and jokes
me being angry with him for stupid reasons
and falling in and out of love with him..
Turns out I thought I was over him
but when he answered that door...
my stomach filled with butterflies
the only problem about me seeing a future with him?
I'm almost sure that he doesnt feel the same way...
But you know what?
He was the first boy that made feel like life was worth living...the first person I knew cared besides my family....because hes the only one that still keeps up the effort to talk to me..
What I just said broke my heart in a million ways...
But I would never ever wish my life be any different

My Big Mouth

Sometimes I say things I dont mean
Especially on here.
In most cases I'm expressing what my friends have
been going through.
Suffice to say that it may entangle with things
going on in my life...
but I never really mean it
It's just me writing to get my emotions out
I come back later and think
WHAT was I SAYING??
Then I pray and hope and plead it doesnt hurt
peoples feelings.
I'm a writer and an actress.
I can stir up an emotion I wasnt even feeling seconds ago.
SO you cant take EVERYTHING I post on here seriously.
I mean come on!!!
Yes I hurt you...but we've both done our fair share
and theres no reason you need to feel bad or anything
I'm greatful for what you gave me.
I'm greatful for what friendship we did have.
Somewhere inside of me longs for us to be as
good as friends as we used to be...
Part of me longs to take everything back...
but I know I've changed...that weve both changed
Niether one of us needs to feel bad for what has happend
Because stuff happens.
Live on
BE HAPPY
and dont you dare let ANYONE including me get you down...
because I'm not worth it.

You Just Cant

I'm sorry but you just cant...
You cant expect to just walk back into my life..
It doesnt work that way.
You cant lie and a decieve me just to say
"OH IM SORRY"
and expect me to go
"OH ITS OKAY YOU ONLY BROKE MY HEART AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WASNT IMPORTANT TO YOU"
A broken heart doesnt mend with an "IM SORRY"
I doesnt sit that way...
So stop saying sorry.
I told you what would happen...but you said no it wont I promise...
Well it happened didnt it?
Well CONGRATS you broke my heart...

Only Hope

I love this song...I am going to learn it and sing it for the public. Its so true...I give all of my heart to every guy I've ever liked...and I pray to be his...and only his. Yet I know that it wont happen...because it never has. I'd love to be loved and I'd love to be cherished...but yet I feel somehow it wont happen. Dont think because you comment on this and say "oh youll find love" thatll Ill agree with you and say "yea I know" because as far as love goes I'm a skeptic...My hearts been broken many times...and I no longer feel it anymore. SO heres to you all who broke my heart....maybe even without realizing it... so here you go E.G, G.S, C.S, J., T.H, S.H...and so many more that I cant even think of who they are...thank you...because Im stronger and theres only hope left for me down this long lonely road...but I'll let you know I love you...more than youll ever know...